Tag Archives: #love

The solar blue

That flicker of evasive
Contentedness enraptured
By a sadness extending
In a line that never ends
Eternal romanticized
Sorrow
Tomorrow
Begins again

This week you told me
What to say
I did it
& regretted it right away

Telephone call
Melon call ee
Ahhhhhhh

I don’t follow orders
I’m not a fascist

Climbing up the
Ladder of bias
You let me fall
Then blamed me
After all

Except my skin
Is old like roses now
Scarred with the
Same version of fall

It wasn’t my fault after all
But that doesn’t mean
I don’t still think it is

Lies pies ties fries
Goodbyes
So many goodbyes

Your eyes aren’t cold
Your mood
Spin cycle
More volatile

I am done with
Giving up on myself
I hope you understand
The lyrics of
The song I sing
The one you like
Then hate again

I’m sorry I am
A complicated
Fairy orchid berry
Once upon a

Temporeality

Please meet me
In the solar blue
I’ll be happy
& maybe
I’ll be enough
For you


© Niliema Karkhanis

Biogenic

Did you see her

There?

There is a place
That fallen
Love stories
Are often
Written upon

Those places almost seem real
Tomorrows spun on a biogenic wheel

Roundness at the core of all the fondness & sweetness

Your love wasn’t round though
It was steel-cold

So what did it mean? 

© Niliema Karkhanis


Featured image by Pawel Czerwinski from Unsplash


We are ghosts

Two audio recordings of me reading We are ghosts:

We are ghosts
& certainly
To each other

I felt it today
Especially
While reading
Your words

It’s like at one
Point all
We wanted
Was to be 
Together
&
Forever

& then
I guess
You didn’t
Want that
Anymore

I wanted you
To feel meaning
Not for you
To trap
& then
Release me

I wonder really
What you’re trying
To tell me

I know you
Struggle
A lot
With
Being

I promise

You though

You’ll find life
When you accept
Ghostness

I have become
A ghost
Many times
Over &
Now I’m made
Of æther

Fully & completely

I am a ghost
I have been so
For so long now

Maybe one
Day you’ll
Know me
Really
But I no
Longer 
Cross my
Fingers

& that’s
For obvious
Reasons

© Niliema Karkhanis


Authour’s note: a poem for day 16 of a month of poetry 2021.


Featured image by Gradienta from Unsplash


Sometimes

Cn: implied (nothing graphic or explicit) ipv (intimate partner violence). A poetic discussion & reflection. No direct discussion of violence.

Sometimes

I can’t forget

What it felt like

To love you

It was beautiful

& it was scary too

I wonder if

Sometimes you

Remember what

It was like

To love me too

Or if you did at all

If that was love

Or something

Superficial

As […]

Sometimes

© Niliema Karkhanis


Authour’s note: poem 20/30 for a month of poetry 2021.


Featured image by Jr Korpa from Unsplash


Of love & things endured

The things

I endured

To love you

& then when

Life took

Its momentous

Directions

I had to

Become more

For myself

To survive

For you

I needed to

Love everyone

& you

As much

As I could

& accept

That that

Was all

I could do

If you

Could have

Understood

That I had

Nothing

Left in me

But I did

What was expected

Of me anyway

Now I’ve had

The time to

Contemplate

I understand

What we made

I have come

To […]

Of love & things endured

© Niliema Karkhanis


Authour’s note: a poem for day 14 of a month of poetry 2021


Forming

Placing value
Forming
Into
A way to
Do things

All the sky has
To offer
I take it in
The stars, moons
Planets & twinkling

Into my eyes
Small & big
Everything

Gorgeous
Undertakings
Hidden in
Problematic
Intentions

Hoping
Is more
Of a thing
Than I
Can handle
Anymore

Portions of
Possibilities
Of options
& happenings

You sold everything
You said it was for me
I asked you not to
Because I knew you
Didn’t mean it
I didn’t want to be controlled
That way anyway

Really

Really I am realistic
Anarchy is order
We must never mistake
Stellar ideology
For clueless
Vulnerability

The bare trees
Sketch
The air
When leaves come
They paint
Direction
On our breath

The wind

Fire of the sun
In you
In me
Still I think I was
Too real

For you

I’d rather be real
Than be nothing at all

Fairy tales
Are for
Stories

Maybe you
Read mine
& believed
I didn’t have
A body
At all

Ethereal dreams
Are beautiful
Tangible me
Inside
& outside
Of the turning
Moon
I sing &
No one hears

With tears
& secret songs
Embodied
Rain sounds
Come again

Stars so far away
We still believe (in)
& love them

© Niliema Karkhanis


Authour’s note: a poem for day 10 of a month of poetry 2021


Featured image by Jr Korpa from Unsplash


Another near death experience

Cn: implied ipv (intimate partner violence). Not explicit or graphic. Discursive.

When love
Is experienced
As abandonment
By violence
Or otherwise…

Because violence
Is also abandonment
Of a kind
& paradoxically
Control is
Also abandonment
The abandonment
Of a loved one’s
True & whole self

Underneath veneers
Of prescience
Possibility
A tree grows
In place of
Accountability

The tree a connection
To reality
Branches reaching
In naked vulnerability
Through winter storms
Clothed coming around
In summer’s leafy
Adornments

How I spent
The summer
Loving you
While you spent
It threatening
Then worshipping me
As if anyone could live
Up to such accolades
Such impossible
Insatiable
Expectations

What is too much to ask?

Yes you were dying
& so my love was I

In hindsight
I only regret
That loving you
Could hurt so much

Because what’s good
About you is so
Beautiful
That no one
Knows how you
Operate
When the
Empty horizon
Presents itself

& it was just
Us there

Inside of
What we
Made
Our hearts

& your mind
Calculating
My time to
Shine
For you

Star

Stars

Now I am more
Me again & 
I have that
Psychic
Pendant
Around my neck
Heart-shaped
Shining crystal
Amulet

You know my
Favourite thing
Is hearts

It reminds me
That as much
As I did for
The sake of both
Our lives
Nonetheless
For so many
Reasons
Loving you
Was another
Near death

Experience

© Niliema Karkhanis


Authour’s note: poem 29/30 for a month of poetry 2021


Featured image by Paweł Czerwiński from Unsplash


Realm

How could anyone already in pain be expected
To continue on in such a devastating liminal state
To be simultaneously abandoned
& expected perfection of

A perfectionist needs
Careful love
To quell anxiety’s
Too tight glove

Hand in glove
An unlikely
Match
Still I suppose
We tried
Or I know
I did

Yet it was the
Kind of thing
Where no matter
How hard I tried
It was a set up
& nothing
I could do
Would ever be
Good enough

My love
Please think
How heavy
That is
You wouldn’t
Have accepted
The treatment
You gave
From anyone
& certainly
Not from me

It made me feel small
& my spirit is not small

& you knew it

That’s what
Will always
Hurt the most
I’m certain you
Understand this

Still what we had
Was priceless
An inimitable
Secret
& sublime realm
Of multiverses

We wrote our
Way into existence
In a way I had never
Experienced before

My love
I’m so glad
We had our
Art to
Ground us
To guide us

I still wish
You could
Have seen
That

I just hope
You do now
Star

With love
From me
To you

© Niliema Karkhanis


Authour’s note: poem 27/30 for a month of poetry 2021


Featured image by  Billy Huynh from Unsplash


Sometimes


Cn: implied (nothing graphic or explicit) ipv (intimate partner violence). A poetic discussion & reflection. No direct discussion of violence.


Sometimes
I can’t forget
What it felt like
To love you

It was beautiful
& it was scary too

I wonder if
Sometimes you
Remember what
It was like
To love me too

Or if you did at all
If that was love
Or something
Superficial
As it felt so

Sometimes
I remember
That threats
Are not love

Sometimes
I forget that
& believe
Something
Else

Time is space
& also a place
Where love goes
& resets itself

There a pace
Sets itself
To belief
In better days

Knowing the ways
That care
Is what’s
Giving & safe

Sometimes
I’m certain
That love is
Definitively
Not a curtain
Of obfuscation

To know it
Is goodness
Not a false
Sense of
Self

I know that
I loved you
With all of
My heart

& sometimes
That’s enough
To be aware
That living

Is about giving
& not about getting

Sometimes
I’m reminded
That when
It’s said that
It’s better to have
Loved & lost
Than never
To have loved
At all
No matter
How broken

This aphorism
That connection
Is recognition
& we can’t control
Outcomes

Yet I tend to
Believe that
What’s lost
On someone
Who lets
Love lose
Is concern
For another’s
Depth
& well-being

Sometimes
I know this
What it is
More than
Anything
Else

Sometimes
Reality
Makes me
Question
Myself

& question
What love is
More than
Anything else

© Niliema Karkhanis


Authour’s note: poem 20/30 for a month of poetry 2021


For the Word of the Day Challenge prompt ‘sometimes’


Featured image by Jr Korpa from Unsplash


Of love & things endured

The things
I endured
To love you

& then when
Life took
Its momentous
Directions
I had to
Become more
For myself
To survive

For you
I needed to
Love everyone
& you
As much
As I could

& accept
That that
Was all
I could do

If you
Could have
Understood
That I had
Nothing
Left in me

But I did
What was expected
Of me anyway

Now I’ve had
The time to
Contemplate
I understand
What we made

I have come
To accept us
In ways
We couldn’t then

I heal in me
What wasn’t possible
For us at that time

© Niliema Karkhanis


Authour’s note: poem 14/30 for a month of poetry 2021


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Featured image Jr Korpa from Unsplash