Another near death experience

Cn: implied ipv (intimate partner violence). Not explicit or graphic. Discursive.

When love
Is experienced
As abandonment
By violence
Or otherwise…

Because violence
Is also abandonment
Of a kind
& paradoxically
Control is
Also abandonment
The abandonment
Of a loved one’s
True & whole self

Underneath veneers
Of prescience
Possibility
A tree grows
In place of
Accountability

The tree a connection
To reality
Branches reaching
In naked vulnerability
Through winter storms
Clothed coming around
In summer’s leafy
Adornments

How I spent
The summer
Loving you
While you spent
It threatening
Then worshipping me
As if anyone could live
Up to such accolades
Such impossible
Insatiable
Expectations

What is too much to ask?

Yes you were dying
& so my love was I

In hindsight
I only regret
That loving you
Could hurt so much

Because what’s good
About you is so
Beautiful
That no one
Knows how you
Operate
When the
Empty horizon
Presents itself

& it was just
Us there

Inside of
What we
Made
Our hearts

& your mind
Calculating
My time to
Shine
For you

Star

Stars

Now I am more
Me again & 
I have that
Psychic
Pendant
Around my neck
Heart-shaped
Shining crystal
Amulet

You know my
Favourite thing
Is hearts

It reminds me
That as much
As I did for
The sake of both
Our lives
Nonetheless
For so many
Reasons
Loving you
Was another
Near death

Experience

© Niliema Karkhanis


Authour’s note: poem 29/30 for a month of poetry 2021


Featured image by Paweł Czerwiński from Unsplash


1 thought on “Another near death experience

  1. Pingback: Another near death experience | songs for now

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