You leave it in the corner and wonder if you will ever get back there to that corner of the world. Small places have less corners to fill. But you try still, because empty places feel temporary, harsh, undecorated.
‘This is all temporary,’ you say.
They don’t look away from nothing important on the television because they don’t want to hear that.
Impermanence is the thing we’re all ignoring while it’s happening all around us.
There’s nothing to disagree about between you & them. So why not question existence? This is how people pass the time isn’t it?
You take up painting not long after that. And they slowly move out over the last few weeks of the month. It was a gradual move. You hardly notice until years later.
After those years go by, you find yourself remembering past times. Nostalgia comes around now & again, mostly because things have changed with you kind of pretending nothing could. It was like you couldn’t face it.
Then you notice little things about yourself; changes which accumulate over time, while you are trying to forget yourself altogether. Things which aren’t obvious. Suddenly you are curious about yourself because you realize enough time has passed & you remember yourself.
You decide you are there & you need to walk away from the ghost. So you mark time in journals, pay attention to how you like things, remember your favourite everything. You live again. Somehow.
© Niliema Karkhanis